Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize