First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
