dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
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