someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
