I think I just saw someone hide a body.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
