you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 609 share tweet
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
