Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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