I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
