Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
