there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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