Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
