What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
