i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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