I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
