She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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