Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
19 People Confess The Craziest Sex Act They’ve Ever Participated In
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.