ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
