Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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