We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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