Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Randomize
