Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize