she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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