Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
