Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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