Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
