i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
