Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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