he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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