Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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