what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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