Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
how can u be prego again
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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