I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
