Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
