omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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