is your mom at the bar?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
