i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
