i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
