dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
