That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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