Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
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The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
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Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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