Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Randomize