I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
