I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
The Olympian is in my bed
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
