even my farts smell like vagina
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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