Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
