hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
