How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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