So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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