No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I just want nice things and good sex
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
