so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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