this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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