my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sobbing to NWA
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize