No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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