told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
