took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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