he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
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I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
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I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
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