Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
