Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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