Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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