alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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