yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
