In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
