is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Can Purell be used as lube?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
