Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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