Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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