the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
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