its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
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