Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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