Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
