where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
