Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
