no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
PANTIES FOUND
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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