I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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