xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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