just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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